{"id":444706,"date":"2026-06-21T08:00:42","date_gmt":"2026-06-21T06:00:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ma-grande-taille.com\/?p=444706"},"modified":"2026-06-17T23:20:58","modified_gmt":"2026-06-17T21:20:58","slug":"fexting-pourquoi-se-disputer-par-message-complique-souvent-les-choses","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ma-grande-taille.com\/en\/sexo\/vie-amoureuse\/fexting-why-arguing-by-text-message-often-complicates-things-444706","title":{"rendered":""Fexting": Why arguing by text message often complicates things"},"content":{"rendered":"

Reacting impulsively, typing three vengeful lines, hitting send. Fexting, a portmanteau word borrowed from English, refers to these arguments between couples that are now settled via text message. A practice that seems convenient, but which therapists describe as particularly risky for romantic relationships.<\/p>\n

Fexting, an English word that has become a global phenomenon<\/h2>\n

The term "fexting" is a portmanteau of two English words: fighting and texting. It simply refers to arguing via written messages, whether traditional texts, WhatsApp conversations, or messages exchanged on any other messaging app. The word gained prominence after a widely discussed interview with Jill Biden, former First Lady of the United States, who explained to Harper's Bazaar that<\/a> she and her husband, Joe Biden, regularly fexed to avoid arguing in front of Secret Service agents. This presidential anecdote helped popularize a reality shared by millions of ordinary couples.<\/p>\n

A practice that deceptively resembles a practical solution<\/h2>\n

At first glance, fexting offers numerous advantages, at least on the surface. For some therapists interviewed on the subject, this practice helps avoid the most intense direct confrontations. "My clients say that texting allows them to maintain a certain level of connection, while still having the space to express themselves freely," explains<\/a> Cindy Shu, a therapist specializing in marital and family issues. Texting also removes the pressure of having to resolve conflict immediately. For marriage therapist Lia Huynh, these written exchanges can even prove beneficial for more introverted people, or those who have difficulty expressing their emotions aloud. In theory, the format allows for taking a step back, reflecting calmly before responding, and avoiding regrettable words spoken in the heat of the moment.<\/p>\n

The main pitfall: the total absence of non-verbal communication.<\/h2>\n

But behind these apparent advantages, relationship experts warn of a major pitfall. According to the work of psychology researcher Albert Mehrabian<\/a> , long cited as a reference, approximately 55% of an emotional message is conveyed through body language, 38% through tone of voice, and only 7% through the words themselves. While these precise figures deserve some qualification, their overall message remains largely validated by research: a significant portion of what is communicated in a conversation is non-verbal. However, these signals are completely absent from text messaging. It's impossible to see your partner's face, their gaze, their smile, their tears, or their crossed arms. It's also impossible to hear their voice. Everything that constitutes the richness\u2014and the security\u2014of a conversation between a couple disappears behind the screen.<\/p>\n

The risk of constantly misinterpreting<\/h2>\n

This lack of non-verbal cues opens the door to another problem: repeated misunderstandings. "Text message exchanges are sorely lacking in nuance. A simple period can be interpreted as coldness or aggression, even though that wasn't the sender's intention," observes relationship psychologist Marie Durand<\/a> . A delayed response can be read as disinterest, when the other person was simply in a meeting. The absence of an emoji can seem icy. A neutral tone can appear curt. Every character becomes imbued with a disproportionate emotional charge. Without the possibility of instant clarification, misunderstandings accumulate and fuel the argument instead of resolving it.<\/p>\n

An emotional distance is developing.<\/h2>\n

In the long run, the consequences of fexting can extend far beyond a simple, one-off argument. "Texting arguments can create lasting emotional distance in a relationship," observes psychologist<\/a> Samantha Rodman. Several effects accumulate over time. Repeated misunderstandings gradually erode trust. Virtual communication progressively replaces face-to-face interactions, diminishing intimacy. Unresolved issues pile up because they haven't been addressed in person. And the couple eventually loses the habit of healthy communication, forgetting the importance of taking the time to sit down and truly talk to each other.<\/p>\n

A false impression of control<\/h2>\n

The other pitfall of fexing lies in the illusion it creates. Many people feel they have better control over an argument via text message than face-to-face. However, behind a screen, we often allow ourselves to say things we would never say out loud. The protective barrier of the phone acts as a disinhibitor: harsher, sharper, sometimes more hurtful. Even worse, the message remains. While words spoken in anger may fade with time, a text message remains imprinted on the other person's screen, reread, mulled over, sometimes even screenshotted. A phrase regretted in the morning can continue to haunt the couple in the evening.<\/p>\n

When the format itself becomes problematic<\/h2>\n

Beyond the content of the messages, sometimes the very act of using this channel to address sensitive topics is problematic. "Before starting a sensitive discussion via text message, ask yourself if this format is truly appropriate," recommends<\/a> marriage therapist Paul Martin. Some subjects require time, physical presence, and attentive listening: betrayal, a major disappointment, an important decision for the couple. Addressing them via text message is like rushing through them, without the necessary calm and serenity. The risk is transforming a real conversation into a series of brief exchanges, where each person sticks to their position without truly listening to the other.<\/p>\n

How to limit the damage<\/h2>\n

For couples who recognize themselves in this pattern, several strategies exist to limit the damage. The first is to identify what absolutely must be said face-to-face and to establish a simple rule: no serious arguments via text message. The second is to learn to delay responding to an annoying text. Waiting a few hours, or even until a face-to-face meeting, often prevents exacerbating an already fragile situation. The third involves setting aside time, after a tense exchange, to clarify what transpired in the messages. As psychologist Sue Johnson summarizes<\/a> , "Sometimes, an outside perspective is necessary to break free from negative patterns and re-establish an emotional connection." Consulting a couples therapist can then make all the difference.<\/p>\n

While seemingly convenient, fexing actually masks a fragile dynamic that threatens the health of a relationship. By stripping communication of everything that enriches it\u2014voice, eye contact, gestures\u2014it transforms the slightest misstep into a lasting wound. This doesn't mean banning text messages altogether during an argument, but rather using them judiciously. And remembering a simple truth: real conversations, the kind that heal and reconcile, rarely happen behind a screen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Reacting impulsively, typing three vengeful lines, hitting send. Fexting, a portmanteau word borrowed from English, refers to these...","protected":false},"author":8375,"featured_media":444707,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"disable_msn":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5717],"tags":[97833,97333,97372],"class_list":["post-444706","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-vie-amoureuse","tag-actu","tag-couple","tag-relation"],"image":{"medium":["https:\/\/www.ma-grande-taille.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/06\/Andrea-Piacquadio-_-Pexels-8-200x113.jpg",200,113,true],"large":["https:\/\/www.ma-grande-taille.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/06\/Andrea-Piacquadio-_-Pexels-8-500x281.jpg",500,281,true]},"custom":{"td_video":"","featured_image":"https:\/\/www.ma-grande-taille.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/06\/Andrea-Piacquadio-_-Pexels-8.jpg","author":{"name":"Fabienne Baure","avatar":"https:\/\/www.ma-grande-taille.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/fabienne-baure-96x96.jpg"},"categories":[{"term_id":5717,"name":"Love life","slug":"vie-amoureuse","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":5885,"taxonomy":"category","description":"" So, what about you and your love life? Oh boy, it's complicated...<\/em> " Who hasn't had this kind of conversation with a loved one? Yes, our love lives can really be complicated! But they're also a source of immense happiness. They push us to question ourselves, to do things right, and to give our all to make the other person happy<\/strong> . Between work and personal activities, having a 100% fulfilling love life isn't always easy! Here, we take the guilt out of relationships, we make you laugh, and above all, we help you put things into perspective<\/strong> . It's not easy for anyone, but in the end, all these little worries and great joys come together to create a beautiful whole. Ready to give it a try, ladies?

Stories that make you laugh and sometimes... cry<\/h2> As you know, at The Body Optimist, we very often give our readers a voice. You are a daily source of inspiration<\/strong> , and it's essential that you can find a magazine that welcomes you to share your stories.\n\nThus, we discover, for example, the portrait of Lysa through her testimony: "Me, Lysa, fat and lesbian. A double whammy?" Or our reader who recounted a more or less complicated date through her testimony: "Fat women are like slippers, they're comfortable, but you don't go out in them."\n\nWe also don't hesitate to put out calls for testimonies on our social media<\/strong> . For example, you've shared with us the worst things your (ex)partners have said about your weight, or the worst breakup lines you've ever heard.\n\nWe also discuss sexuality with the testimony of this reader who explained how terrified she was about her first time because of her curves. We also take the time to listen to our male readers, like this man who asked us how to tell his wife she had gained weight and that he was worried about her.\n\nIn this section, there are no taboos; everyone has a voice<\/strong> ! We recently responded to a young reader who confided that she had fallen in love with an overweight boy but couldn't accept it for fear of what others would think. Conversely, we gave the floor to Fanny, who recounted the misadventures she'd experienced with men she met online.\n\nAs you've probably gathered, don't hesitate to message us privately or contribute to the discussion on our forums<\/strong> . We have a dedicated section where you can discuss any topic that matters to you about your love life. Come share your thoughts!

Is the quality of one's love life of paramount importance for a human being?<\/h2> If you regularly follow The Body Optimist, you'll see that there's no shortage of news about couples and love lives! Whether positive or negative, this news isn't necessarily meant to be taken too seriously<\/strong> . The goal here is to learn in a fun way, not to compare your own relationship. Just take the positive aspects of the information you find!\n\nFor example, laugh at our readers who recount their worst dates... so bad they were funny! Besides, we now officially know that kissing is cheating for 7 out of 10 French women, according to a study !\n\nWe also talk about problems that can affect your self-confidence. How do you silence the gossips when you're taller than your partner? Or your privacy. We know, for example, that a majority of French people cover certain parts of their bodies when they make love<\/strong> .\n\nWe also don't hesitate to share with you all the news stories we find truly funny, like the centenarian woman who told usher secret to longevity is avoiding men ! Thanks to current events, we also know that couples in love tend to gain weight at the same time.\n\nLikewise, did you know that the couples most likely to last are those who exchange lighthearted banter and gentle teasing<\/strong> ? Yes, indeed! Also, be careful if you're being unfaithful: you could be found out in as little as 5 minutes!

The editorial team's tips for being happy in your relationship<\/h2> Like all situations that affect us, we sometimes need a few tips and tricks to take a step back and try to analyze the situation a little...\n\nWe'll start with the basics by giving you some first-date ideas that are a bit different from the usual movie\/restaurant routine. We also won't hesitate to warn you<\/strong> . For example, would you be able to tell if you're in a relationship with a narcissistic abuser ?\n\nLikewise, we're interested in you as a woman in your own right. Are you curvy and worried about not being attractive because of it? Let us stop you right there: men who date curvy women are happier<\/strong> !\n\nFurthermore, you should also learn to overcome your insecurities with Jules in your intimate moments. We'll give you some tips on this. Once you've taken this crucial step, it could be very enjoyable to spice up your sex life by making love in completely unexpected places, for example !\n\nIn short, let go and above all, don't be afraid to express your feelings<\/strong> , your emotions, your fears, but also to simply say "I love you"...","parent":6135,"count":709,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":5717,"category_count":709,"category_description":"" So, what about you and your love life? Oh boy, it's complicated...<\/em> " Who hasn't had this kind of conversation with a loved one? Yes, our love lives can really be complicated! But they're also a source of immense happiness. They push us to question ourselves, to do things right, and to give our all to make the other person happy<\/strong> . Between work and personal activities, having a 100% fulfilling love life isn't always easy! Here, we take the guilt out of relationships, we make you laugh, and above all, we help you put things into perspective<\/strong> . It's not easy for anyone, but in the end, all these little worries and great joys come together to create a beautiful whole. Ready to give it a try, ladies?

Stories that make you laugh and sometimes... cry<\/h2> As you know, at The Body Optimist, we very often give our readers a voice. You are a daily source of inspiration<\/strong> , and it's essential that you can find a magazine that welcomes you to share your stories.\n\nThus, we discover, for example, the portrait of Lysa through her testimony: "Me, Lysa, fat and lesbian. A double whammy?" Or our reader who recounted a more or less complicated date through her testimony: "Fat women are like slippers, they're comfortable, but you don't go out in them."\n\nWe also don't hesitate to put out calls for testimonies on our social media<\/strong> . For example, you've shared with us the worst things your (ex)partners have said about your weight, or the worst breakup lines you've ever heard.\n\nWe also discuss sexuality with the testimony of this reader who explained how terrified she was about her first time because of her curves. We also take the time to listen to our male readers, like this man who asked us how to tell his wife she had gained weight and that he was worried about her.\n\nIn this section, there are no taboos; everyone has a voice<\/strong> ! We recently responded to a young reader who confided that she had fallen in love with an overweight boy but couldn't accept it for fear of what others would think. Conversely, we gave the floor to Fanny, who recounted the misadventures she'd experienced with men she met online.\n\nAs you've probably gathered, don't hesitate to message us privately or contribute to the discussion on our forums<\/strong> . We have a dedicated section where you can discuss any topic that matters to you about your love life. Come share your thoughts!

Is the quality of one's love life of paramount importance for a human being?<\/h2> If you regularly follow The Body Optimist, you'll see that there's no shortage of news about couples and love lives! Whether positive or negative, this news isn't necessarily meant to be taken too seriously<\/strong> . The goal here is to learn in a fun way, not to compare your own relationship. Just take the positive aspects of the information you find!\n\nFor example, laugh at our readers who recount their worst dates... so bad they were funny! Besides, we now officially know that kissing is cheating for 7 out of 10 French women, according to a study !\n\nWe also talk about problems that can affect your self-confidence. How do you silence the gossips when you're taller than your partner? Or your privacy. We know, for example, that a majority of French people cover certain parts of their bodies when they make love<\/strong> .\n\nWe also don't hesitate to share with you all the news stories we find truly funny, like the centenarian woman who told usher secret to longevity is avoiding men ! Thanks to current events, we also know that couples in love tend to gain weight at the same time.\n\nLikewise, did you know that the couples most likely to last are those who exchange lighthearted banter and gentle teasing<\/strong> ? Yes, indeed! Also, be careful if you're being unfaithful: you could be found out in as little as 5 minutes!

The editorial team's tips for being happy in your relationship<\/h2> Like all situations that affect us, we sometimes need a few tips and tricks to take a step back and try to analyze the situation a little...\n\nWe'll start with the basics by giving you some first-date ideas that are a bit different from the usual movie\/restaurant routine. We also won't hesitate to warn you<\/strong> . For example, would you be able to tell if you're in a relationship with a narcissistic abuser ?\n\nLikewise, we're interested in you as a woman in your own right. Are you curvy and worried about not being attractive because of it? Let us stop you right there: men who date curvy women are happier<\/strong> !\n\nFurthermore, you should also learn to overcome your insecurities with Jules in your intimate moments. We'll give you some tips on this. Once you've taken this crucial step, it could be very enjoyable to spice up your sex life by making love in completely unexpected places, for example !\n\nIn short, let go and above all, don't be afraid to express your feelings<\/strong> , your emotions, your fears, but also to simply say "I love you"...","cat_name":"Love life","category_nicename":"vie-amoureuse","category_parent":6135}]},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ma-grande-taille.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444706","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ma-grande-taille.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ma-grande-taille.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ma-grande-taille.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8375"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ma-grande-taille.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=444706"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.ma-grande-taille.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444706\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":444708,"href":"https:\/\/www.ma-grande-taille.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444706\/revisions\/444708"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ma-grande-taille.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/444707"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ma-grande-taille.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=444706"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ma-grande-taille.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=444706"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ma-grande-taille.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=444706"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}