“Boys are not raised to be men, but not to be girls.” This statement, shared by British actress Jameela Jamil, ignited social media. Beyond the controversy, it primarily highlights an educational reality that is still too often trivialized: the way boys are socialized, and what this reveals about our relationship to gender.
A thought-provoking statement… that raises questions
This statement, made by Jameela Jamil on the podcast "Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky," sparked numerous reactions. Some found it "provocative," others "profoundly true." Ultimately, it simply puts words to an age-old mechanism: instead of encouraging boys to fully develop their human qualities, they are primarily pushed to distance themselves from everything associated with femininity. Crying, doubting, asking for help, showing tenderness… all these behaviors are often perceived as incompatible with a still-idealized masculinity.
The message isn't that "boys have to become something else," but that they deserve to be everything they already are: sensitive, creative, empathetic, vulnerable, and strong all at once. It's a profoundly body-positive and humanist vision that celebrates emotions as a strength, not a weakness.
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When education creates invisible borders
From a very young age, children receive gendered messages, sometimes subtle, sometimes explicit. A little girl is praised for her gentleness, a little boy is encouraged to be brave. Dolls are given to one group, cars to the other. Crying is tolerated in one, discouraged in the other. Without even realizing it, parents, teachers, the media, and institutions all contribute to drawing emotional boundaries.
However, many specialists in gender equality education point out that emotions are not gendered. A boy who learns to recognize and express his feelings develops greater emotional intelligence, a stronger ability to communicate, and more respectful relationships. Conversely, denying him these spaces can reinforce withdrawal, anger, or difficulty asking for support.
Redefining what it means to "be a boy"
The criticism leveled by the actress and British television and radio presenter Jameela Jamil is not directed at boys themselves, but at the restrictive model presented to them. Being a boy should not mean "being strong against others," but strong with oneself. It should not mean dominating, but cooperating. Nor should it mean hiding one's emotions, but learning to understand and channel them.
Rethinking education also means giving boys the freedom to love dance, drawing, reading, sports, science, or all of them at once. It means allowing them to be tender without being judged, sensitive without being mocked, ambitious without being crushed by unrealistic expectations. In short, it means giving them the right to be whole human beings.
A controversy, but above all an invitation
As is often the case, this statement has been divisive. Some see it as "an exaggeration," others as "a disturbing but necessary truth." Beyond the controversy, it opens up a valuable space for reflection: do we want to continue raising children according to rigid roles, or do we want to guide them towards a freer, gentler, and more respectful version of themselves and others?
This issue concerns both boys and girls, because liberating one also liberates the other. By breaking free from rigid patterns, we build a society where each person can develop with confidence, authenticity, and kindness.
Ultimately, raising boys without pitting them against "femininity" offers them a precious opportunity: the chance to feel comfortable in their bodies, their emotions, and their relationships. It allows them to grow up with strong self-esteem, the capacity to love in a healthy way, and a more balanced worldview. And what if, fundamentally, the goal of education wasn't to create "proper" men or women, but to nurture fulfilled, sensitive, confident, and respectful human beings? Perhaps that's the true message behind Jameela Jamil's statement that sparked so much discussion.
