Your childhood wasn't filled with "you can do it" or "I believe in you." Your mother, who was supposed to be your number one supporter and back you even when you wanted to become a magician, rarely agreed with you. Instead of lifting you up, she brought you down. And if you have these attitudes today, it's certainly because your mother didn't support you back then.
You constantly doubt yourself, even when everything is going well.
We all grow up with the idea that "the perfect mother" exists somewhere: the one who encourages, reassures, listens, and says "I believe in you" without hesitation. The reality is far more complex. A mother is often a shoulder to lean on, but sometimes she's not the one who lifts us up, but the one who pushes us down. She's not the one who removes obstacles, she's the one who creates them. While some mothers support their children's dreams of traveling the world, their singing careers, and their romantic choices, others remain reserved.
Adults who weren't encouraged as children often internalize the idea that their choices, thoughts, and desires aren't worth much. If your mother didn't support you as a child, you likely have a tendency to question yourself. And it goes beyond what's reasonable. You never celebrate your successes, you ask others for their opinion on everything, and you have this persistent feeling of "not being enough." This constant self-doubt isn't a character trait. It's the consequence of years spent growing up in your mother's cold indifference.
You have difficulty expressing your needs
Instead of being involved in your upbringing, your mother remained a spectator to your growth. She never lifted a finger to help you or make your daily life easier. When you grow up in an environment where your emotional needs aren't met, you often end up... not feeling them anymore. As a result, today you say "yes" to everyone, even when it's beyond your limits. You refuse to ask for help, thinking the person in front of you has something better to do. Even worse, you feel like you're being too demanding when you express something.
You compulsively seek external validation
Without maternal support, a child does what they can to reassure themselves: they learn to charm, to please, to adapt. If your mother didn't support you during childhood, you likely developed based on the opinions of others. Today, you panic at the mere thought of disappointing anyone, and you always present the best version of yourself, even if it means betraying who you truly are. You do everything to earn a place in the hearts of others and reach the pinnacle of their esteem. This need is not a whim: it's a survival strategy learned very early on.
You are very hard on yourself
A mother who doesn't support is often a mother who criticizes, minimizes, or compares. If you grew up with the psychological backstory of the stepmother in Cinderella, you're even more hard on yourself. You don't shower yourself with praise; you only pick on the thorns. Your inner voice constantly whispers degrading phrases: "You could have done better." "Everyone else can do it except you." "Don't get carried away." These are just distant echoes of your mother. This harshness isn't natural; it can be overcome because it's not yours. It was passed down to you.
You often attract unbalanced relationships.
When you haven't received support, your emotional bearings become blurred. As a result, in adulthood, you risk accepting relationships where you give a lot… and receive very little. If you weren't supported by your mother during childhood, you probably believed that this was the norm. Today, you accept what many consider red flags. At work and in your love life, relationships are shaky, and you're the one who's kept waiting, hoping, doubting, and feeling guilty.
Good news: it's never too late to support yourself
Recognizing these signs doesn't mean pointing the finger at your mother , but understanding how your history has shaped you. Your mother, too, may have lacked recognition in her childhood and simply repeated what she once thought was "right." If your mother didn't support you during your childhood, you bear the scars, and this can negatively impact your daily life. However, you can break this cycle:
- by learning to speak to you gently,
- by choosing reciprocal relationships,
- by setting limits,
- by valuing your efforts rather than your "results".
You may not have grown up with a supportive mother, but you can become the woman who supports herself, and that is infinitely powerful.
