Sometimes, in social situations, we feel like we blend into the background and are invisible. We feel microscopic, useless, and insignificant. We tell ourselves that our presence isn't necessary, that it adds nothing to the group. When these thoughts take hold, they loop endlessly in our heads like the haunting refrain of "Baby Shark." On her social media, psychologist Julie Smith offers a tactic to counter this side effect of our lack of confidence.
Where does the feeling of being invisible come from?
It's a feeling that makes us doubt our entire being. When we have low self-esteem, we often face it. There are days when we wonder what we're doing on Earth, what our mission is. And it's not an existential question, simply the reflection of a failing confidence. We then start to put ourselves down, to spout silent self-criticism , to curse ourselves for being so "boring," an art at which we excel. In short, we put ourselves through a real internal trial. It's quite simple: we feel like a wandering ghost, a mere shadow, an extra. Like a drop of water in an ocean. We could be hidden under a sheet or adorned with Harry Potter's invisibility cloak, it would be the same.
This overwhelming feeling, which makes us almost feel guilty for being where we are and overwhelms us with negative adjectives, sometimes arises without warning, after a meeting where we didn't dare speak up. It resurfaces in social situations, when we're jostled on public transport, cut in line, or interrupted at parties.
As researcher Rodney Luster writes for Psychology Today : “This feeling sometimes arises when we psychologically disconnect from our identity, losing touch with who we are and our ability to act. This form of self-invisibility is existential and subtle.” In other words, we don't just disappear in the eyes of others. We can also fade away internally. The good news is that this feeling isn't inevitable. And there's a very simple, almost mathematical, rule to put things into perspective.
The 52-card rule: a dizzying reminder
We're familiar with positive affirmations, declarations of self-love in front of the mirror, and the sticky note technique, but psychologist Julie Smith has another remedy for confidence, and it comes in a box. Imagine a classic deck of cards. 52 cards. Nothing could be more ordinary. "It's just a regular deck of cards. It contains 52 cards, that's all," says the specialist. And yet.
If you shuffle these 52 cards, the resulting order is statistically very unlikely to have ever existed before in the history of the universe. Never. Because the number of possible combinations is astronomical, a 68-digit number. Greater than the number of atoms on Earth. The idea isn't to distract your mind and silence that nagging inner voice by improvising a quick game of Battleship. No, this deck of cards is an "image." It's an ingenious way to remember that we have a thousand facets.
What's fascinating is that each card is perfectly familiar. A nine of clubs. A queen of hearts. Nothing extraordinary taken individually, but the arrangement is unprecedented. Julie Smith sums up this idea with a phrase that rings true: "There will never be anyone like you."
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A beautiful metaphor for singularity
We are often tempted to downplay what makes us who we are. "I'm not that special," "Others do it better," "I'm nothing exceptional." Yet, if 52 cards are enough to create an infinite number of unique combinations, what about a human being? You are not made of 52 elements, but of millions: memories, wounds, laughter, musical tastes, childhood scents, failures, secret dreams, pivotal friendships, influential books, courageous choices, formative mistakes.
Individually, none of this is rare. Many have experienced a breakup. Many love coffee or hate public speaking. But the precise combination of everything that makes you who you are? It is radically unique. Feeling invisible often means forgetting this singular combination. It means believing you are interchangeable. The 52-card rule reminds us of the opposite: the ordinary can produce the unique.
The goal isn't to carry a deck of cards around, but rather to remember this rule like a comforting mantra. It's a good lifeline when your self-esteem is flagging.
