Saying "sorry" is a common social reflex, but for some people, apologizing becomes almost a tic. They apologize for everything: being two minutes late, a trivial remark, or even when they haven't done anything wrong. As psychologist Yves-Alexandre Thalmann explains, as reported by Psychologies magazine , this tendency often has its roots in childhood.
An emotional void to fill
According to psychoanalyst Pascal Neveu, constant apologies can be a sign of narcissistic fragility. Those affected struggle to feel loved for who they are; they seek to maintain the affection of others through their apologies. As children, they may have been overprotected or, conversely, lacked validation, which has instilled in them the idea that they must "earn" the love of others.
A tyrannical superego
Psychoanalysis also evokes the notion of the superego, this inner moral authority that dictates what one "should" do. An overly severe superego leads to unjustified apologies, as if every "imperfect" thought or desire were a fault. These individuals live in a constant tension between the desire to be free and the fear of being reprehensible.
An illusion of control
Finally, according to Yves-Alexandre Thalmann, offering apologies without justification can provide a paradoxical form of power: by declaring themselves responsible for everything, these individuals remain at the center of the situation. It's an unconscious way of reassuring themselves, of giving meaning to what they cannot control.
How to break the cycle
Psychologists recommend learning to verify the legitimacy of your apologies. Before saying "sorry," ask yourself: "Did I really hurt anyone?" or "Am I responsible for what happened?" If the answer is no, there's no need to apologize. Breaking free from this habit also means freeing yourself from excessive self-judgment—and relearning to be as kind to yourself as you are to others.
Saying "sorry" isn't inherently bad, but when apologizing becomes automatic, it often betrays a deeper unease, fueled by a fear of displeasing others, excessive inner demands, or an unconscious need for control. Becoming aware of this mechanism is already the first step toward change.
