The festive season has a unique ability: it awakens both tender feelings and buried tensions. Family gatherings, friends around the table, traditions to honor… everything seems to encourage couples to project a united, close, and radiant image. Even if it means glossing over reality. This is precisely the mechanism described by the term "tinselling," a concept that sheds light on a relational dynamic as widespread as it is rarely questioned.
Tinselling: when the couple becomes a showcase
The term was popularized by Tina Wilson , a relationship expert and founder of the app Wingman. The principle? To create the illusion that everything is fine in the relationship, especially in public, while very real vulnerabilities exist behind the scenes. Like a beautifully decorated Christmas tree that's already a bit dry inside, tinselling consists of embellishing the exterior to avoid confronting the inner turmoil.
In practical terms, you might recognize yourself if you downplay disagreements in front of loved ones, carefully avoid certain "sensitive" topics, or play the perfect duo to maintain a reassuring image. This isn't manipulation, nor is it a lack of love; it's often an emotional protection strategy, sometimes unconscious.
Why do so many couples fall into this pattern?
Social pressure weighs heavily. The holiday season is laden with unspoken expectations: happiness, togetherness, and human warmth. In this idealized setting, admitting that your relationship is going through a rough patch can seem inappropriate, even shameful. As a result, many prefer to put their emotions on hold "until it blows over."
According to several surveys, a significant proportion of couples admit to embellishing their story during family gatherings, for fear of disappointing, worrying, or receiving negative comments. However, this emotional camouflage comes at a cost: by constantly avoiding the issue, you postpone necessary conversations and allow frustrations to fester.
The insidious effects of a "facade of harmony"
Pretending everything is fine solves nothing. On the contrary, it can widen the gap between what you show and what you feel. This dissonance creates stress, emotional exhaustion, and sometimes a feeling of isolation, even within a relationship.
In the long run, tinselling can erode trust and foster emotional distance. Unspoken issues accumulate, physical tension builds, and emotions become suppressed. However, a healthy relationship isn't one without conflict; it's one that can navigate conflict together, with respect and active listening. Your emotions, needs, and boundaries are legitimate. They deserve space, not to be swept under the rug.
How to get out of tinselling without blowing everything up
The first step is to be kind to yourself and your relationship. Acknowledging that everything isn't perfect doesn't diminish your worth or the value of your relationship. In fact, it's often a sign of emotional maturity.
Professionals recommend choosing a quiet moment—often after the holidays—to open a dialogue. Not to accuse, but to share: what's weighing you down, what's missing, what could change. Putting honest words to your feelings strengthens emotional intimacy and allows you to reconnect, body and heart, in a more authentic space.
Ultimately, it's not about giving up joy or togetherness, but about accepting that a living couple is a real, imperfect, and evolving couple. And it is precisely this authenticity that makes a relationship profoundly beautiful, strong, and enriching.
