We often talk about the beauty standards placed on the bride, who is expected to lose a few inches before the big day, to have her hair removed with meticulous precision, and to smile demurely for the camera. Yet, the women who escort the bride to the altar and pose alongside her in this joyful scene are also subject to strict customs. The bridesmaids follow beauty rules, some more explicit than others, to maintain this sense of harmony without upstaging the bride.
To be “pretty but no prettier than the bride”
They wear similar dresses that adhere to a strict dress code, sport professionally styled hair, also inspired by a Pinterest photo shared in a group chat, and mimic the same expressions like robotic clones. Seated in the front row at the town hall during the exchange of vows, their impeccable appearance gives the impression of a carbon copy. Bridesmaids play a vital role in the success of a wedding. Providing emotional support, logistical assistance, and a symbolic presence, they are to the bride what the fairy godmother is to Cinderella.
While they busy themselves organizing memorable bachelorette parties in the lead-up to the wedding , on the day itself, they must maintain a professional appearance and remain in the bride's shadow. These women, chosen as bridesmaids, have the privilege of assisting the bride on what is invariably "the most beautiful day of her life." They actively participate in the preparations, ensuring everything is in order on the big day, but above all, they form a close-knit entourage around the bride, like a personal guard. However, while these "altar girls" in satin dresses and beaded hair are at the heart of the celebration, they must shine with restraint.
Because beyond their practical role, bridesmaids are valuable decorative elements and enhance the visual coherence of the wedding. However, the norm dictates that they should be photogenic and well-groomed but not draw too much attention, which seems difficult to achieve. There's no question of upstaging the main protagonist of the celebration.
Having a "harmonious" figure in photos
While guests often have a color scheme to follow or a prescribed themed dress code, the bridesmaids are, in a way, the bride's "dolls." Generally, the bride-to-be , sometimes a longtime friend, sometimes a beloved cousin, chooses the same style of dress, worn by everyone. The bridesmaids must adhere to this uniform, designed to create a cohesive and polished look.
Except that this dress, shared via a URL link in a WhatsApp chat with an unsavory name, isn't flattering for everyone present. Those with fuller figures face the insidious body-shaming of certain websites and feel guilty for not having an hourglass figure. To avoid clashing with this otherwise graceful image, they buy the reference dress in the wrong measurements and pay extra for alterations, hoping to blend into this ethereal canvas. Bridesmaids rarely have free rein over their outfits. The bride gives them more or less flexible instructions regarding the cut, the fabric, the exact length, and the style.
There is also the question of placement for the photos where the tallest ones end up in the background and the most imposing ones are turned to the side so as to shrink their silhouette.
Accepting clothes they did not choose
The bridesmaids, disciples of the bride, are not free to do as they please with their bodies. They are subject to a kind of dictatorship of appearance, and they make the effort for the greater good. The bride dictates outfits, colors, and shoes that reflect the spirit of the wedding, at the expense of the comfort and personal taste of those who wear them.
If the pastel pink color makes one bridesmaid look washed out, or if the satin fabric makes another feel uncomfortable, they won't complain openly for fear of upsetting the bride, who's already on the verge of burnout. As a result, on the day of the ceremony, the bridesmaids feel completely exposed in front of dozens of strangers and have to battle their insecurities while maintaining a forced smile.
To conform to a global aesthetic palette
Beyond the prescribed dresses and the "harmonized" silhouettes, the bridesmaids often have to align themselves with a meticulously planned artistic direction. Nail polish color approved by the bride, nude lipstick required to avoid any "faux pas," hairstyles coordinated like a ballet troupe, discreet jewelry chosen in advance… Everything is calibrated to preserve the wedding's aesthetic.
Some brides-to-be even go so far as to create meticulously detailed Pinterest boards where nothing is left to chance: impeccable low buns, identical glowy makeup for the entire bridal party, perfectly styled wavy curls, and a luminous but not overly tanned complexion. The goal? To create perfect visual unity in the photos and give the impression of a wedding party straight out of a bridal magazine.
The problem is that this quest for homogeneity sometimes erases individuality. A bridesmaid with curly hair is pressured to straighten her natural texture to "match" the group, another is asked to remove her glasses for photos, or a tattooed woman is asked to cover her arms in 30-degree heat… Behind these supposedly aesthetic demands lie very concrete injunctions about what a "beautiful" wedding should show.
Demonstrate physical availability
Being a bridesmaid isn't just about wearing a matching dress and smiling in photos. It also means accepting a certain level of physical availability throughout the entire ceremony. Getting up at dawn for preparations, enduring heels for twelve hours, posing endlessly for photographers, and remaining impeccable despite the heat, tears, or sore feet.
The body becomes almost a logistical tool in service of the wedding. One must stand for long periods, chase after a veil blown away by the wind, adjust the train, carry voluminous bouquets, dance until the end of the night, all while keeping one's makeup flawless. Even facial expressions sometimes seem codified: to be radiant but not to steal the bride's emotional light.
Ultimately, these expectations reveal a deeply ingrained idea surrounding weddings: that women must be beautiful, available, smiling, and perfectly poised to fully contribute to the success of an event. As if their presence weren't enough, and their bodies also had to blend seamlessly into the setting.
