Breastfeeding a four-year-old can be surprising, even shocking, in some cultures. Yet, for some mothers, this choice is part of a natural and assertive vision of parenthood. This is the case for Shinnai Visser (@mindful_mamma_za), who advocates for extended breastfeeding, despite the criticism.
A choice that is controversial
Shinnai Visser, a South African mother of two, doesn't hold back from her daily life. On Instagram, she shares her experience with "baby-led" breastfeeding, an approach where the pace is guided by the baby's needs. This choice, far from being universally accepted, has sparked numerous reactions. Some internet users consider this type of breastfeeding "inappropriate," suggesting excessive dependence or an attachment deemed "too intense."
In response to these criticisms, she simply states : the problem isn't biological, but cultural. In many parts of the world and throughout history, breastfeeding beyond the age of two is far from unusual. It is primarily current Western norms that have shortened this practice.
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A rhythm that evolves with the child
Contrary to popular belief, breastfeeding a four-year-old is nothing like breastfeeding an infant. For her eldest daughter, these moments have become rare, short, and peaceful. It might be an occasional feed, sometimes once a day, sometimes none for several days. The child chooses according to her needs at the time.
For her 20-month-old daughter, however, breastfeeding remains more frequent. It's particularly useful for soothing teething pain, during growth spurts, or for providing comfort. Shinnai Visser (@mindful_mamma_za) emphasizes an important point: with age, breastfeeding nourishes emotions more than the body. It becomes a regulatory tool, a way to soothe a still-developing nervous system.
A link-centered approach
For this mother, these extended breastfeeding sessions are first and foremost moments of connection. She compares them to soothing rituals that adults themselves may seek in their daily lives. According to her, her eldest daughter finds a sense of security and stability in them. She also observes in her daughter a greater ability to manage her emotions and a growing confidence. She defends an idea often put forward by some specialists: a child's independence does not stem from imposed separation, but from a secure attachment.
A personal choice that concerns only each individual.
At the heart of this debate lies a crucial question: who decides what is "normal" or not in motherhood? Breastfeeding, whether short or long, is a deeply personal choice. It concerns the mother's body, her feelings, but also the well-being of the child. This type of decision cannot be reduced to external judgments or a single set of standards.
Criticizing a mother for how she chooses to feed or soothe her child ignores the diversity of experiences, cultures, and needs. Some women feel comfortable with extended breastfeeding, others do not. Some stop early, others continue. In all cases, these decisions deserve to be respected.
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A maternity ward that listens to itself above all
Shinnai Visser (@mindful_mamma_za), for her part, refuses to set a specific date for weaning. She prefers to let things unfold naturally, depending on her daughter and her own feelings. Faced with criticism, she primarily encourages people to reconnect with themselves: to educate themselves, listen to their bodies, and trust their intuition.
Ultimately, her approach, sometimes perceived as "atypical," reminds us of one essential thing: there is no single right way to be a mother. Every woman, every body, every child builds its own balance. And in the intimate space of motherhood, respect, kindness, and freedom of choice should always prevail.
