There are couples who do everything together and live like Siamese twins, and then there are others who only see each other briefly and live their lives like roommates. According to Dr. John Gottman, a psychology professor at the University of Washington who has studied "the ideal amount of time to spend together," it's not so much the duration that matters, but rather how you invest that time together. Seeing each other less, but more deeply, is the secret to happiness.
6 hours together, but not just any old way
Dr. John Gottman , who has examined love from every angle throughout his career and made couples his primary subject of study, has identified an ideal amount of time to spend together. For a couple to last and keep that spark alive over the years, they should spend six hours a week together. However, there's an art to how to fill this shared time. The idea isn't simply to be side-by-side and scroll from opposite ends of the bed.
As the relationship expert suggests, this time should be allocated wisely throughout the week so that each simple moment becomes an act of intimacy. So, instead of rushing out of bed in the morning and throwing the covers over each other's faces, take the opportunity to reaffirm your love, without making a big deal of it. Instead of being glued to your phone, bombarding each other with Reels, reconnect with your partner by improvising a quick massage or a flurry of kisses. The expert emphasizes the quality of these moments. These " rekindling the flame " slots feel like romantic interludes in the chore schedule.
Key moments in the morning (10 minutes per week)
Mornings are usually a rush. Everything happens at breakneck speed. We eat breakfast while getting dressed to save time and we rush through the door calling out, "See you tonight!" We barely pay attention to our partner. Yet, even if we're not in the mood to talk, we can ask our partner how they felt upon waking and what their plans are for the day. "Showing interest in the other person, even briefly, is a valuable sign of attention," explains the psychologist.
Daily get-togethers (1 hour 40 minutes per week, or 20 minutes per day)
When we get home after a long day, we head straight for the sofa and think of nothing but relaxing. We prefer the warmth of our blanket to that of our partner. However, our first instinct should be to cuddle and kiss our soulmate for six seconds (no need for a timer), then reflect on our day, avoiding any complaints. These moments of connection help re-establish the bond after a day spent apart.
A meaningful dialogue (35 minutes per week)
We're better at criticizing than at making romantic declarations. We remind our partner they haven't taken out the trash or that they forgot to hang up the laundry, but we rarely flatter their ego. Yet, there's no need to wait for Valentine's Day to thank our partner for being there and shower them with flowers. No need to launch into Shakespearean monologues or reenact a scene from "Notting Hill." We can simply say , "I'm proud of you" or "You mean so much to me every day." It's particularly rewarding (and it goes both ways). Kindness is contagious.
Affectionate gestures (35 minutes per week)
It goes without saying: every couple has their own love language. Some see childish squabbles as silent "I love yous," while others prefer the sensitivity of heartfelt conversations or the warmth of physical touch. The idea? To grow closer emotionally, to rebuild the connection between minds. So, we prescribe ourselves 5 minutes of tenderness each day.
A romantic evening (2 hours per week)
And we're not talking about evenings where everyone is on their phone or absorbed by the TV. Whether it's a dinner at home prepared together, a board game session, a walk in the moonlight or a break at the spa, we simply need to get together, away from the " commute, work, sleep " routine.
Take stock of your love life (1 hour per week)
Some psychologists recommend organizing "argument nights" to avoid the "pressure cooker" effect and prevent emotions from exploding. However, there's no need to be so "radical." You can also sit around a table with some snacks (to lighten the mood) and brainstorm about your love life. Why not create an "emotions jar"? Take turns drawing from a slip of paper and discuss your feelings. It's certainly more pleasant than having a public argument in the living room and subjecting the entire neighborhood to the sound of it.
By scheduling six hours of quality time with our partner, we put the relationship back at the forefront of our priorities without suffocating each other. This helps restore harmony in the home and strengthen our love each day.
