Sexuality

The Sexuality section of The Body Optimist gives straight answers to questions about pleasure, desire, anatomy, consent and sexual health. For every orientation and every body, it informs without taboos or crudeness, busts common myths and reminds you there’s no “right” way to experience your sexuality.

What you’ll find in the Sexuality section

• Pleasure and anatomy: the clitoris, orgasm, squirting and masturbation explained simply, along with how the body responds, such as why nipples become erect.
• Desire and libido: why desire ebbs and flows and how to rekindle it, including the surprising role of how couples share household chores.
• Consent and communication: asking, setting your limits, talking about what you want with your partner.
• Sexual health: STIs and testing, birth control, vaginismus and pain during sex.
• Diversity: LGBTQIA+ sexuality, asexuality, desire after sixty, the myth of male virility, alongside our LGBTQIA+ section.
• Body and self-image: enjoying intimacy with a plus-size, disabled or changing body, without hiding.

How do you talk about sex with your partner?

Talking about sex gets easier when the conversation doesn’t happen in the middle of sex or right after a disappointment. Pick a calm moment outside the bedroom and use “I” statements: “I’d love to try…” or “I feel good when…” rather than “you never…” Some couples each fill out a “yes / no / maybe” list on their own, then compare notes to discuss desires and limits without pressure. During intimacy, positive feedback (“keep going,” “I love that”) guides better than criticism. And everyone keeps the right to change their mind at any time: that’s the very principle of consent.

Talking about sex, taboo-free

Our articles talk about sex with precise words, without prudishness or clickbait. They’re written for women and men, straight and LGBTQIA+ people, and for plus-size, slim, older or disabled bodies, with no standard of frequency, practice or performance. This content is for information only: if you experience pain, an ongoing difficulty or a question about your health, a doctor, gynecologist, midwife or sex therapist can help.

Where to start

• Seven things every couple should know: a sexologist’s essentials for a fulfilling sex life together.
• What sex can really change: its effects on stress, immunity and mood.
• Why neck kisses feel so intense: what makes this area so sensitive.
• How holding hands can improve your sex life: the role of everyday affection in desire.

Frequently asked questions

What is sexual consent?

Sexual consent is a free, informed and clear agreement, given for each act, that can be withdrawn at any time. Silence, lack of resistance or a yes given the day before don’t count as consent. A person who is asleep, unconscious or heavily intoxicated can’t consent. Being in a relationship or married never creates a sexual “duty.”

Can you get an STI without penetration?

Yes. Several sexually transmitted infections, such as genital herpes, human papillomavirus (HPV), syphilis, gonorrhea and chlamydia, can be passed on through oral sex or skin-to-skin contact. Condoms, dental dams, HPV vaccination and regular testing, especially with each new partner, remain the best protection.

Is it normal to have a lower sex drive?

Yes. Desire fluctuates throughout life: stress, fatigue, mental load, pregnancy and postpartum, menopause, some medications or tension in the relationship can all lower it. It’s only a problem if it bothers you. If it does, a doctor can look for a physical cause and a sex therapist can help you reconnect with desire.

Keep exploring: find all our sex and relationship topics, everyday couple life in Love life, and wedding planning, honeymoon included, in Marriage.