Known to the public for her role in the series "Bridgerton," British actress Ruby Barker has decided to open up about a difficult reality. In a very personal Instagram post, she discussed the visible effects of her bipolar disorder treatment on her body.
"Some days, I hate myself in the mirror."
Ruby Barker shared a video from the gym, filming herself on a treadmill and showing a scale reading 112.5 kg (240 lbs). In the caption, she explains that this weight is a direct result of eight months of medication for her bipolar disorder, calling this bodily change "medical weight gain." "Many of you know my story and the battles I've fought living with bipolar disorder. This is the physical aftermath of eight months of treatment—and honestly, it brings a whole new mental challenge with it," she wrote.
The actress didn't try to downplay the difficulty of what she was going through. She confessed that some days she "hated" looking at herself in the mirror, caught in a spiral of comparison with her former body or with others. "It can feel like a real nightmare, and it doesn't just disappear overnight," she acknowledged, before urging people to be patient with themselves. She also thanked her partner, Oliver, for his support throughout this journey.
@rubybarkeractress One thing I don't see talked about enough is how hard it is to cope with medical weight gain. Well… here I am. Many of you know my story and the battles I've faced living with bipolar disorder. This is the physical aftermath of eight months of treatment — and honestly, it's brought a whole new mental challenge with it. Hooray 🙃 I'm doing what I can, and I'm grateful to have Oliver supporting me through it. Please wish me luck on this journey, because it isn't easy. I truly empathize with anyone struggling with their weight — the comparison, the mirror, the constant mental noise. Some days I hate what I see and can't stop measuring myself against my past self or others. It can feel like a living nightmare, and it doesn't resolve overnight. But on a positive note: today is my fourth day vape-free, and I'm already feeling the benefits in my cardio. One step at a time. #fyp #foryoupage #weightloss #weightgain #myjourney ♬ original sound - Ruby Barker
Two psychotic episodes since Bridgerton
Ruby Barker had already broken her silence in 2022, revealing that she had experienced two psychotic episodes, the first occurring just after filming season 1 of "Bridgerton." "I've been struggling since Bridgerton, that's the truth. I was really unwell. I was in the hospital," she said at the time. She was subsequently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and described it as "an inner rage fueled by intergenerational trauma."
Netflix and Shondaland in the crosshairs
While in 2022 she thanked Netflix for "saving her life" by casting her, Ruby Barker has since changed her tune. In an Oxford University podcast, she accused the streaming platform and production company Shondaland of never contacting her after her breakdowns.
She also highlighted the painful paradox of playing an ostracized and isolated character – Marina Thompson – while she herself felt abandoned behind the scenes. “When I went into the hospital a week after filming season 1, it was really hushed up and kept quiet because the series was about to air,” she confided.
@pagesix “Bridgerton” star Ruby Barker called out Netflix and Shondaland after claiming she suffered “two psychotic breaks” while filming the series. Link in bio for details. ♬ original sound - Page Six
Despite the harrowing nature of her story, Ruby Barker ended her post on a hopeful note. She mentioned being on her "fourth day without vaping" and having "experienced improvements in her cardio endurance." "One step at a time," she concluded. In the comments, her followers offered her overwhelming support, thanking her for opening up the conversation about the often-overlooked side effects of psychiatric medications.
